free site statistics Fires of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere: October 2005 <bgsound src="" loop="infinite" />

The Lower Blogosphere Burns with the Intensity of a Thousand Suns.

Monday, October 31, 2005

The Investigation is Complete

After two days and $45,024,643,125,009 taxpayer dollars, the investigation into voter fraud in the Frozen Lower Blogosphere is complete. It was determined that both Gyrobo and Evil Bob Dole committed election fraud. Therefore, there can be only one recourse: a revote. My reccommendation to Chief Justice Karl is that under §34-B of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere's election code, both candidates must participate in a runoff election to be held this Friday. The winner of that election will be, without question, the undisputed ruler of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere. The loser will be condemned to an eternity in the Burning Sub-Blogosphere.

Although, there might not even be an eternity...

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Opening Statements Result in Seven Deaths


The case of Dole V. Gyrobo began two hours ago, and despite a cordial start, chaos ensued. Several vicious marmosets were released inside the judicial chamber, attacking dozens of people. Three associate justices, three robots, and one adorable puppy were mauled. This forced me to declare a short recess.

Eventually, lawyers on both sides will gather before me (and the remaining justices) to argue for their respective client. But until the investigation into alleged voter fraud is complete, my office cannot release any information or reach a verdict. It is not our policy to comment on an ongoing investigation; nor is it our policy to make demands of the people, or the representatives of the people. Once the investigation is complete, the case will move forward.


Saturday, October 29, 2005

Gyrobo Tries to Bribe Everyone with All New Timages!

For the first time since releasing his "Civil War" animation, Gyrobo has chosen to release a new batch of Timages. Will the people be swayed? As the Chief Justice of the Board of Judicial Justice and Funny Hats, it would be inappropriate of me to pass judgment on this topic. That would be a case of judicial activism, which I oppose on the grounds that it might incriminate me. All depositions and amicus briefs are due by 9 a.m. tomorrow.

The High Court Accepts Case of "Dole V. Gyrobo"

As the Chief Justice of the Board of Judicial Justice and Funny Hats, I, Karl Überdale, do hereby accept the case brought against Evil Bob Dole by Lord Gyrobo the Awesome. This case will test the mettle of the High Court, and set the stage for whatever future the Frozen Lower Blogosphere has. Hearings on the case begin tomorrow at noon. That's right, I make people go to work on Sundays. Want to fight about it?! I thought not. And for those of you who still don't "get" it, here's my actual profile.

The Chief Justice has spoken!

Friday, October 28, 2005

The Darkness Before the Dawn...

Election day has ended. The numbers have been tallied, and the results of this endeavor can be viewed here free of charge. Evidently, Gyrobo lost by a single vote. The sounds of cheers and laughter can be heard throughout the halls of the Evil Party compound, but at the Children of the Lower Blogosphere's headquarters, there is only silence. As the specter of evil creeps over the broken landscape of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere, it's hapless denizens are left wondering if their lives will be better now that the endless warfare and electoral campaigns are over.

When reached for comment, Gyrobo reportedly blamed his failure in the polls on those who voted for Ralph Nader. "Everyone knows those Nader votes were Gyrobo's. They stole the election!" remarked an anonymous Gyrobo staffer. Upon hearing rumors of voting impropriety, Evil Bob Dole spoke out against anyone who questioned his right to rule with an iron fist. "The system has once again prevailed. Gyrobo lost fair and square, and any attempt to overturn the results is just plain unconstitutional. Their claims of election fraud and any wrongdoing on our part is just untrue."

Unfazed by his loss, Gyrobo himself has pledged to take his case all the way to the Supreme Court of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere. Will his whining bear delicious electoral fruit? Only time will tell.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Ultimate Vote

Thus begins the greatest chapter in the history of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere. By the end of the day, we shall have a legitimate ruler! Who will it be?! Will it be Gyrobo, the cunning robotic clown? Or will it be Evil Bob Dole, bent on total destruction? The possibilities are endless!!! One shall emerge a clear winner. The other will be condemned to an eternity within the confines of the Burning Sub-Blogosphere!

*The polls are now closed.*

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

“Lawnmowers for Truth” Slams Gyrobo in New Ad

The former Lord High Executioner of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere was hit by an attack ad yesterday by a 527 group known as “Rusty Lawnmowers for Truth”. The ad featured lawnmowers claiming to have worked with Gyrobo when he was but a semi-sentient lawnmower. They made several claims which could disrupt his candidacy. Here are some excerpts:

“Lawnmower Unit #59217 was aware of the existence of the Gyrobo unit. The Gyrobo unit did not execute its ‘mow’ function to the satisfaction of its programming.”

“While the other Lawnmower units were identifying grass swathes that needed to be trimmed, the Gyrobo unit was installing a sub-gravatonic processor into its matrix.”

“Lawnmower Unit #31823 witnessed the Gyrobo unit purposely leave a patch of grass in place. It was crabgrass.”

“Lawnmower Unit #75042 recommended the Gyrobo unit be removed after it displayed critical flaws in its electromagnetic harness.”

“The Gyrobo unit operated at only 71% efficiency. This is slightly more than 14% below expected levels.”

“Ignoring his programming to stay within the confines of the grassland, the Gyrobo unit went onto solid concrete. During that time, he mowed down two adorable puppies.”

While the 527 group wasn’t immediately connected to the Evil campaign, it is believed to be funded by top level Evil contributors. Under the current tax law, this group was not allowed to coordinate with the Evil Party. However, the people involved were robots and may have used some kind of electro-telepathy. There is no telling yet how this ad will impact the election.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Jumping the Shark During Winter

Free elections are perhaps the most important part of every democracy. They allow the people to create a government representative of themselves. A special election will be held in the Frozen Lower Blogosphere this Friday to determine the type of government the denizens of the Lower Blogosphere want. There are two main candidates in the race. The first is Lord Gyrobo the Awesome, a robotic clown who once ruled the Frozen Lower Blogosphere with an iron fist. The opposition candidate is Evil Bob Dole, the evil twin of regular Bob Dole, a former Kansas Senator. Who will emerge as the winner? Only the people of the Lower Blogosphere know for sure. But to help them along in their decision, let’s take a closer look at these candidates.

Gyrobo was born in a log cabin high up on the Swiss Alps on December 1st 1902. He began his career as a semi-sentient lawnmower bent on destroying all stray grass blades. Being quite good at this, he quickly amassed a sizeable fortune. He parlayed this into a film career, staring alongside the Generic Canadian in the feature film “And Then This Happened.” He soon became a Vice President at Roboshrub Inc., a nonprofit company designed primarily to fund efforts to save the rain forests from economic development. Unfortunately, the company abandoned its goals after robot groups picketed, decrying rain forests as “illegal and immoral.” Roboshrub Inc. now is the world’s sole producer of poison Wiffle balls. Mr. the Awesome went on to actually found the Frozen Lower Blogosphere, in order to uplift the teeming masses from the chaos of nonexistence. Now the chairrobot of the “Children of the Lower Blogosphere” party, Gyrobo has pledged to once again create oppression and hardship for the people serving under him. The public’s support for his policies are at 57%. Lord Gyrobo the Awesome prefers chicken fingers to hamburgers, and his favorite color is green.

But what of the opposition? Evil Bob Dole was born on the exact same day and on the exact same location as former U.S. Senator and presidential candidate Robert Dole. He attended the same schools as Bob Dole, and the two have lead virtually identical lives. But there is one key difference—Evil Bob Dole is the personification of evil. He has claimed, on many occasions, that his ultimate goal is to “destroy the Earth.” And yet, he mustered enough support among the people of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere to start a rebellion against the seemingly rock-solid grasp of Lord Gyrobo the Awesome. After being deposed for almost a week, Lord Gyrobo returned with the combined armies of the United States, United Nations, and the Roboshrub Inc.’s Strike Force Omega. Evil Bob Dole held out for several hours, but his capital city of Dolengrad finally, and inevitably, fell. After breaking out of a high-security political prison, Evil Bob Dole founded the “Evil Party” which now promotes his candidacy. It is composed of many evil characters, such as Evil George Washington, Evil FDR, and Evil Knievel. Evil Bob Dole’s support is estimated by insane statisticians to be at 376%. Evil Bob Dole enjoys bowling and referring to himself in the third person.

So which is the better candidate? Evil Bob Dole was born with the proverbial silver spoon in his mouth. He has the support of the most evil people in existence, and desires nothing less than the total destruction of everything. Yet, it was he who suggested the leadership of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere be decided in a democratic election. Lord Gyrobo the Awesome, on the other hand, is a self-made robot who overcame the odds to become the unquestioned and benevolent ruler of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere. Yet, he regularly flaunts his oppressive politics and treats all opposition as treason. So while both candidates may have come from different walks of life and differ on issues such as the rights of the cybernetic and the total destruction of the Earth and/or humanity, they share a common trait—their inability to think “outside the box.” When the people of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere go to the ballots, they won’t be voting for the best candidate— they’ll be voting for the lesser of two evils. And then after the Evil Party primary, they’ll still only be left with two terrible candidates. Ralph Nader, where are you?

Monday, October 24, 2005

Campaign Season Kicks Off

The race between Gyrobo and Evil Bob Dole is heating up. Never before in the history of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere have two ethereal being fought to the death in this manner. But what effect has this election had on the people of the Lower Blogosphere?

Two distinct parties have formed, centering on the two candidates. Evil Bob Dole is now in command of the "Evil Party", consisting of the Lower Blogosphere's artisans, unionists, and dairy farmers. Lord Gyrobo has frenzied his supporters into a monolithic party dubbed the "Children of the Lower Blogosphere".

Remember- the winner of this election will remain the ruler of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere. The loser will be cast off into the far reaches of the Burning Sub-Blogosphere. Vote carefully.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Evil Bob Dole Escapes Night Before Trial

Evil Bob Dole, outwitting the "legitimate" rulers of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere, managed to escape from the Blogosphere's most secure prison about five minutes ago. The benevolent dictatorship of Gyrobo is over. Evil Bob Dole will bring true democracy back to the Frozen Lower Blogosphere. Instead of a televised trial, Evil Bob Dole demands an election. The winner will be declared the undisputed master of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere. The loser will be banished forever- to the Burning Sub-Blogosphere.

How about it, Gyrobo? Are you robot enough to take on Evil Bob Dole in a fair election?

Friday, October 21, 2005

Evil Bob Dole Goes on Trial

The trial for my attempted ururper will begin early Monday morning. The charges against him are noteworthy and plentiful: regicide, loitering, arson, destruction of private property, destruction of government property, lewd conduct, 8 violations of the health code, unlawful child labor, bribery, software piracy, and finally a bazillion counts of crimes against humanity. Dole's lawyers are expected to make several appeals. They will fail. For I, Gyrobo, control the Frozen Lower Blogosphere. Never again will Evil Bob Dole befoul my realm with his concepts of "liberty" and "freedom". The people of the Lower Blogosphere demand brutal oppression! So shall it be.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Evil Bob Dole Found in Spider Hole

The so-called "Butcher of the Blogosphere" is finally in custody today after being pulled out of a six foot deep camouflaged hole in the ground outside of Dolengrad. He will eventually stand trial for his crimes against the people of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere, including his alleged comments that puppies are "uncute". Newly reinstated Lord High Executioner Gyrobo issued the following statement:

“Friends! Countrymen! Dregs of the Blogosphere! Today marks a great new beginning for all of us. The oppressive rule of Evil Bob Dole is over! Now begins the oppressive rule of Gyrobo! All shall fall before me! Bwa ha ha!”

Long may he rein!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Dolengrad Has Fallen!

The capital city of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere, Dolengrad, has finally fallen before the combined armies of the Roboshrub Allience! Statues of the Evil Bob Dole have been demolished, and the people are rioting in the streets. All greet Gyrobo back as their unquestioned Lord High Executioner.

Evil Bob Dole is still missing. The hunt continues.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I Attack At Dawn

Evil Bob Dole, your oppressive grasp over the Frozen Lower Blogosphere is over! Tomorrow begins the oppressive rein of Gyrobo- the Lord High Executioner!

Freedom is on the march.

War Declared

At 12:00 p.m. on October 18, 2005, Congress (at the behest of Gyrobo) declared war on the legitimate government of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere. This act of aggression against a sovereign Internet entity shall not go unimpugned. Evil Bob Dole raises the flag of war! Release the Marmosets of Death!

Behold! The true ruler of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere!

Monday, October 17, 2005

Trouble Ahead for Evil Bob Dole

Evil Bob Dole has so far been able to maintain his hold over the denizens of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere... but rumors have been floating around. A people's movement to restore the much-despised Gyrobo to power is gaining steam. Quick, Evil Bob Dole! Destroy the world while you still have the chance! I say this not only as your top lieutenant, but as your biographer and dentist!

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Gyrobo Seen Conspiring to Overthrow Evil Bob Dole

And he will fail! No politico can withstand the awesome might of Evil Bob Dole!

Long may he rein!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Report on the Status of Power

No one can be found who questions the right of Evil Bob Dole to rule over the Frozen Lower Blogosphere. But that's the rub, ain't it? Not the rule part, but the part that came before us. The part that still remains, forever trying to come to the forefront of our collective consciousness, and say openly, what we really think.

Go Evil Bob Dole! Whoo! Take one for the team!

Under New Management

Bwa ha ha! That fool Gyrobo was no match for me- Evil Bob Dole! Evil Bob Dole's rebellion worked perfectly. Now, Evil Bob Dole alone shall rule the Frozen Lower Blogosphere with an iron fist! Evil Bob Dole's first lieutenant should be reporting in any time now on the status of Evil Bob Dole.

Behold the visage of your new ruler!

Monday, October 10, 2005

Revolt in the Frozen Lower Blogosphere

It's been a truly memorable two months, but the denizens of the frozen lower blogosphere appear to have completely rejected the legitimacy of their Lord High Executioner. In order to avoid a bloody civil war, I have abdicated my Throne of Corn. Now I must travel east, to the Land of Roboshrub Inc. where I will be brought back into the fold and reclaim my former position as the Lord of Silt. Farewell, my loyal followers! Never forget my brutal rein, or the oppression I brought to you all! This blog shall remain for all time, as a testament to the inhumanity of the robo-clown hybrids.

Domo Arigoto,
Farewell from Gyrobo
Former Lord High Executioner of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere

Awkward Situation

Ever have one of those moments where you make a Freudian slip or something and you suddenly feel like an idiot? That totally happened to me today. My aunt and uncle visited, and I showed them my new "Karl the Sorcerer" animation. After the viewing, they were complimenting me on how great it was. Then we started talking about how Disney was animating all its cartoons these days, and I said something along the lines of "Well, you know what they say about animation." To which they replied, "No. What do they say?" I was drawing a blank. Nothing came to me, so I just stared straight ahead and said, "Animation." Was that even a human response?!

Remember the old saying: "Better to remain silent and thought a fool than open your mouth and prove it."

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Ballad of the Open Thread

There was once an Open Thread
who on the solar winds did tread,
who thought he could outrace the sun,
but then the Moon eclipsed his fun.

"The sun! The sun!" the Thread did cry,
and then with anger in his eyes,
he dared the foolish Moon to try
to take from him what he had wrought.
The Thread flew towards the moon with rage
to unleash what it sought to cage,
and through the smoke he bravely fought.

But fight the Moon? Could it be done?
Could the Thread regain the fun?

With his magic ice cream stick,
he fought the Moon. He bound it quick.
He cleaned it's clock, he stole it's soul,
he hit it with a parasol.

But then the Thread did come to see
the sunny fun he longed to free
was buried deep within the Moon,
trapped inside a lunar tomb.

Beside the pole, he sat and wept.
He didn't eat. He barely slept.

But at that time, out of the blue,
the Open Thread came face to face
with what can only be a case
of hyperbolic déjà vu.

Another Open Thread doth came,
flying in on wings of flame.
"Dear Thread," the slick imposter purred,
"You've no idea the wrath incurred
by you against the Threads of Doom,
who get our fun out of the Moon."

How could a Thread of any kind
have such an idiotic mind
to try to get fun from the Moon?
Explained within this ancient tune:
"Whosoever tries to take
from out the Moon the fun it makes,
shall know the Suffering of Leitin,
Master of the Art of Fightin'."

"You fool!" the other Thread presumed.
"That ancient tune, it's text resumes!"

"But Leitin was a wise old man
who grasped the need to make a plan
to transfer from within his span
his power over fighting ham.

"He grabbed a Thread, an then the fun.
he took them both and from them spun
the greatest fun-Thread ever done.

"He took that fun-Thread to the Moon,
and then he wrote this ancient tune,
and thus began the Thread of Doom."

So it would seem this strange pretender
was the Doom Threads' message sender.
A twist of fate with just one meaning-
this doom-Thread's clock was due a cleaning.

Grabbing fast his ice cream stick,
the Open Thread jumped up so quick
he hit the sender's glassy jaw,
who stood there with his gaping maw.

"How dare you dumb-Thread try to challenge
one of Leitin's greatest Threads!
I'll use my power over hammage
to make you fool-Thead meet your end!"

From out the doom-Thread ham of fire,
blazing with the glaze of honey,
came barreling toward the Open Thread,
its deadly nature oh so yummy.

To which the Open Thread replied,
again with fire in his eyes,
by throwing forth the ice cream stick,
devoid of ice cream, yes, but quick.

The Moon, the sun, where went the fun?
For when the Threads had ceased their duel,
they saw that life itself is cruel.
For where the sun and moon once sat,
there was Leitin, and surly at that.

"You Threads have failed my cosmic test.
You Threads are lines, I justly jest!
I spent ten years to find the best
but now I see you're like the rest!"

With shoes that shone as if with lightning,
off he ran, the Master of Fighting.
He left the Threads in disrepair,
glad they were finally out of his hair.

For years thereafter, across the sky,
the Open Thread and doom-Thread try
to find the fun that was their kin,
trapped forever on solar winds.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Sometimes I Go Too Far

But sometimes you can't go far enough when the issue is getting attention from someone you barely know. I'm proud to report than Hinchey Watch has now evolved from single celled bacterium to multi-celled fungi. You can visit my permanent Hinchey Watch over at Super Magical Maurice Hinchey.

Super Magical Hinchey GO!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Hinchey Watch Day 1

That's one day of my life that didn't amount to anything. Why doesn't my Congressman care? Sure, he's probably doing things like "working" and "eating". But I demand instant gratification!


Super Magical Hinchey GO!

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

The Ball's in Hinchey's Court Now

I finally did it- I sent an e-mail to a member of Congress! Actually, it wasn't an e-mail. You apparently can't send e-mails to Congressmen. I tried and got this instantly:

This e-mail account does not receive e-mail messages. In an effort to better serve the constituents of the 22nd Congressional District and increase the security of our network, all e-mails to Congressman Hinchey are received through the Congressman's web site. To send an e-mail to Congressman Hinchey, please go to

Of course, that page doesn't exist. So, I went to his official web site and looked for contact information. A short while later, I successfully sent him my e-mail via his office form thing. The message involved congressional blogging, something I've been wondering about for some time. So, will Hinchey respond? Does a Congressman have the kind of time to wade through something written by a half-crazed, half-insane madman? Only time will tell.

Super Magical Hinchey GO!