free site statistics Fires of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere: January 2006 <bgsound src="" loop="infinite" />

The Lower Blogosphere Burns with the Intensity of a Thousand Suns.

Monday, January 30, 2006

A Tag For All Seasons

I've been... tagged! Yup. I've now gotta answer a whole heap o' questions in the multiple of seven, the most wicked of numbers (the ancient salemites knew this. The witches they burned were actually numberologists who worshipped the number seven.)

Therefore, resolved:

Seven things to do before I die:
  1. Eat a million chicken cutlets.
  2. Get a vanity plate.
  3. Win the lottery.
  4. Walk on the moon (not really; that's boring).
  5. Build the random slogan array to 20,000
  6. Take over the government.
  7. Survive Armageddon.

Seven movies I love:
  1. Beavis and Butt-Head Do America
  2. The Matrix
  3. I, Robot
  4. Bean
  5. Stargate
  6. Back to the Future
  7. Shawshank Redemption

Seven books I love:
  1. Metaplanetary
  2. Superluminal
  3. Lord of the Clans
  4. America: The Book
  5. The Time Machine
  6. Soldier of Light
  7. I, Robot

Seven things I say:
  1. In any event...
  2. I shall disembowel you!
  3. --==/ So sayeth the robot. \==--
  4. Uhhhhhhhhh...
  5. I work for Sony- sunny- suni? It start's with "sah".
  6. How likely is all that to happen.
  7. I've never had a toothache. How do I know I won't enjoy it?

Seven things that attract me to… (insert your choice) people:
  1. They can't be all "I hate cheese".
  2. I'm gonna go with... random- no, arbitrary!
  3. People who are roughly ten I.Q. points below me.
  4. Robotic butler.
  5. Human butler... with pacemaker, or other robotic parts.
  6. Insecure and naïve.
  7. The undead.

Seven things I can't do:
  1. Eat marmite.
  2. Lift a car with my bare hands (I can, but I don't want to).
  3. Spell the word "fasdhio".
  4. Become the King of France.
  5. Reanimate the dead (yet).
  6. Downgrade.
  7. Die.

Seven people to tag:
  1. Flatlander
  2. Jaibahkti
  3. L>T
  4. Sabatkes
  5. Fred
  6. 49words
  7. Jesus Christ

Thursday, January 26, 2006

It Marches with Doom

Upon surveying my beloved land of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere, I must shed a tear. The temporal forces upon this country, this blog and this lifestyle are tearing it apart. Therefore, I am going forced to admit that the concept of Time is unconstitutional. As Archchancellor, I cannot directly declare it as such, but its existance clearly contradicts the citizen's right to live forever. Immortality is not difficult to achieve in a land filled with robots, but if there is time allowed after one's existance, this the definition of immortality blurs. Furthermore, it is strictly Periodist, and Periodism is against the law. My predeccessor politicians would have said that, as long as the time periods are equal, separating them is convenient and acceptable. However, today we know that separate is inherently inequal. The future has hovercars, and yet I am-- and my people are-- forced to commute via subterranian trolleycars. This is an injustice against our period, even though we have advanced in great strides. My grandparents had to walk uphill both ways to recieve their state-provided educations.

I have a dream, of one day, that will last forever and contain all things-- as equals.

Today, I pass legislation to Abolish time. All those who continue to experience it are in direct violation of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere's lawful and god-endorsed government.

I will be in my hyperisolation chamber, and will hear no more of this "Temporal Stresses" nonsense.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Why Does This Keep Happening?!

Anonymi here! You might remember me from such elaborate web stories as "Evil Bob Dole gets tapped in the Burning Sub-Blogosphere!" and such. Well, months may have passed, but the dangers posed by the Sub-Blogosphere are still very much palpable.

The temporal stresses that destroyed the Sub-Blogosphere were instigated by Gyrobo as a means to (unsuccessfully) dispose of Evil Bob Dole. Evil Bob Dole survived, and mutated into a King known as "Evil Robo-Bob Dole". I also mutated from a swirling anonymous wisp into a full-fledged robot. Only Karl the Sorcerer was unaffected by the implosion, though that's because he went into hiding and was never part of the exiles.

Getting back to whatever point I may have been nursing with whatever attention span I have, the Frozen Lower Blogosphere is still under assault by the gravimetric forces and temporal stresses emanating from the imploded husk of the Sub-Blogosphere. Dr. Flavour's temporal doorstop helped ebb the flow of the torques, but disrepair has eroded it to the point that it will soon no longer be able to sustain the Lower Blogosphere. And when that happens... the Frozen Lower Blogoshpere will implode.

Already, time is becoming fluid...

The neglect and degradation are 99.999999999% irreversible. With only one billionth of one percent chance of repairing the damage in time, I suggest that the denizens of the Lower Blogosphere evacuate immediately. Leave your furniture and lawn furniture and other forms of furniture behind; the endtime is upon us. Adjuster save us!

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

I Demand More Attention!

My name is Karl, and I'm a sorcerer. I have been all my life (except for my short stint in the IRS, which still involved the Dark Magicks). For the last couple of months, I've sat by while Gyrobo and his arch-nemesis Evil Robo-Bob Dole fought over the most petty of things. No more! From now on, this is Karl's Time! I demand all kinds of things. For example, I demand... uh... I'll get back to you on that.

But the times, they are a-changin'. For example, I'm gonna go through the entire Internet and find the greatest Flash webtoons that I can. Then, I'm a-gonna link to 'em. Yes. That's it- I'll be the guy who finds great links! I'll bring all of you entertainment! This weeks roster is the experimental "Sock" series.

These three webtoons were inspired by the animator's dreams.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Just Pick A Time!

Seriously, what is wrong with the people of Indiana?! I just read an article saying that the federal government is forcing eight more of Indiana's counties to the central time zone. That means that parts of Indiana are still in the eastern time zone, while other parts are in the central time zone. Why can't the people of Indiana just get together, maybe in the capital (whatever the capital of Indiana is. Probably Indianapolis.) and just sort out what the time is. Listen to the words that are coming out onto your monitors, time is not a toy! You can't just decide to change time to meet your schedule. The people of Indiana need to get their act together and pick a time zone, and stick in it.

Furthermore, why in the Sam Hill do we still have daylight savings time?! If you want to get up at the crack of dawn to do chores or something, get up early. Don't make everyone change their clocks so that dawn is always six a.m.! It throws everyone off twice a year, and cripples the economy. The only reason we have daylight savings time is because Benjamin Franklin wanted to mess with people centuries after he died. There's no other rational explanation. Ol' Ben Franklin was a genius. He predicted the Internet hundreds of years ago, right after he invented electricity. So why is it so hard to believe that he invented daylight savings time (Or "Dumb Stupid Time" as I call it) just for the laughs?

We live in an age of computers and lawn furniture; we don't need daylight savings time anymore. Back in the 19th century, time zones were determined by railroad companies. And we still have them today, not because we still use railroads, but because they work. Indiana needs to get with the program. I have no idea why the railroads left them out; my guess is, there were no train stations in Indiana. But they need to just live within the conventions of time and space. And we need to end the oppression of daylight savings time.

Otherwise, we'll never get to Mars.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

No, I Laugh At THEE, Evil Robo-Bob Dole!

Once again, your insanity shows how reckless you are. It wasn't enough that you be Grand Chancellor of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere, but now you want- wait, what does he want? Ah, yes. Absolute power. Never! It's not in the constitution! Article X-Eleventy clearly states, "And whoseoever trys to wield power absolute, shall know the suffering of Leitin." This "Leitin" has proven to be quite a prolific figure in blogging lore, Evil Robo-Bob Dole. You should know that.

King of the Universe, Indeed!

But even more importantly, you seem to have forgotten our little dance. You try to take over, than I seize back my rightful blog. You've forgotten the proper order, comrade. I take offense to that. And I don't make mistakes twice. This time there's no escape for you. That's right, I'm sending you back... to the Burning Sub-Blogosphere.

Such is the penalty for anyone trying to interfere with my futureDesign. Only I understand the tea leaves- except, of course, for the Mint Tea Mystic. That's in his job description. But even he can't comprehend what lurks within your warped little mind. Anonymi, Karl, you two show promise. Return to the light, and all will be forgiven. Turn from me, and face eradication. This is not a drill.

So sayeth the robot.

Friday, January 06, 2006

I Laugh At Thee, Foolish Mortal!

It is I, the great King Evil Robo-Bob Dole! None can temper my fiery fury with their buckets of watery logic! And now that Evil Robo-Bob Dole has your undivided attention, it is time to start making demands of the denizens of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere. For example, instead of belonging to your pathetic individual countries, you now fall under my domain. Bwa ha ha!

Starting today, a new age has dawned. No longer will robotic clowns be forced to live in darkness... no longer will we (including me, now, apparently) be forced to scrape out a meager living as entertaining court jesters. Today, the humans are our jesters! To begin this transformation, I call upon my good friend the Anonymi to shed his former life as an enigmatic agent of oblivion and become one with the robot clowns. Anonymi.... we are calling to you...

Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? Evil Robo-Bob Dole danced a tango with Balezebot, the polar opposite of all that is good and pure. I must thank you, Karl. Telling me where to meet Balezebot was the best thing you've ever done since you managed my electoral campaign.

Balezebot, the Robot Devil

Already, Gyrobo's powers are weakening... the snow storm I sent to destroy him (by way of Balzebot, of course) didn't succeed. But it weakened him enough to enable me to claim my rightful throne! All power to the robot clowns! Down with gravity!

Anonymi, merge with us!

Monday, January 02, 2006

Whattup, Bob Dole?!

*accessing drive theta*

I haven't seen Evil Robo-Bob Dole around here lately. What's up wit dat?! I think it has something to do with Arial Sharon stickin' him with a shiv. Arial Sharon's always stickin' people with shives, but this is different! Evil Robo-Bob Dole is the heart and sould of this endeavor! He belongs within the light of the Lower Blogosphere... so that he may be judged harshly, and without mercy. Long live Evil Robo-Bob Dole? Long live my exhaust fumes! No creature has ever been so uncaring, so downright evil as Evil Robo-Bob Dole, and likely never will.

Wherefore art thou, Evil one? Doest thou fear thine demise at the robotic claws of Gyrobo, Lord of the Silt? That's right, I said it. I'm the Lord of the Silt, master of all dirt and dirt by-products! And I'm proud, you hear me, proud! So, Evil Robo-Bob Dole, if you're listening, do not drink the water! Arial Sharon put talcum powder in it, and since you aren't a baby, you can't handle the tooth.

*initiating file: termaLink*

Something strange... Oper- oper- operjatos...


*formatting drive*