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The Lower Blogosphere Burns with the Intensity of a Thousand Suns.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Pirates Are My FREINDS!

No one understands pirates as much as I do. I spent years on a pirate ship in the south Pacific, and let me tell you right from the horse's mouth, pirates are kind, decent folk. Not once did I have to worry about getting the bills in on time or paying off my mortgage. They were the nicest bunch of cuthroats I've ever seen. The captain even baked me some chocolate chip cookies the first time I came aboard.

And now I walk around each week, seeing pirates on movie posters and such?! This is an outrage! I've never been more angry. You know what? Just forget it. I'm in no mood for this. A pirate saved my life, and you dare to stand in judgement of them?! What does that say about you? That's right, a pirate pulled me out of a barrel. If it wasn't for those pirates, I'd be a pickle right now.

As a robot, I'm against pickling. It's highly unnatural. If you're going to be mummified, at least have the muttonchops to get wrapped up first. I could go on for hours about how I hate muttonchops, lambchops, and all other hair styles that aren't mullets. In fact, put mullets on the list. At the top. I rue the day mullets were invented!

And if anyone says anything about pirates again, I'm gonna take you downtown and have a little talk with your principal. Because everyone has a principal, not in the academic sense, but in the political sense. Who is your principal but your mayor? You governor? Your emporer? It's all the same. It's all a blur to me now, as I sit watching Spumco cartoons over the Internet... how else am I supposed to see them?! I'd buy them, but where are the DVDs?! Not out yet. Never out. What's a robot gotta do to get some service around here?!

There have been 8 Cries of Anguish:

Blogger Salbert maliciously intimated...

My prncipal is President Frist... errr Bush.

4/23/2006 12:52 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo maliciously intimated...

Prnible Wasserbuttle?

That's the rub, ain't it? I seen you, and I seen you without yourself, and to be honest, I prefer the former.

Mostly when comments are involved, dinosaurs don't exist.

4/24/2006 9:03 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo maliciously intimated...

Saved by the bell on Cartoon Network?

Are pigs flying outside?

Cartoon Network is doomed!

4/26/2006 9:26 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo maliciously intimated...

I havn't watched [AS] since they started that dead badger of a series.

4/26/2006 11:00 AM  
Blogger L>T maliciously intimated...

Good Lord! there is no end to it.

4/26/2006 8:25 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo maliciously intimated...

No end AND no beginning.

4/26/2006 8:32 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo maliciously intimated...

To Pirating or S by the B?

4/27/2006 9:03 PM  
Blogger Salbert maliciously intimated...

Hmmmm.... has it gone dormant here?

5/03/2006 7:35 AM  

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