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The Lower Blogosphere Burns with the Intensity of a Thousand Suns.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Opening Statements Result in Seven Deaths

PRESS RELEASE:

The case of Dole V. Gyrobo began two hours ago, and despite a cordial start, chaos ensued. Several vicious marmosets were released inside the judicial chamber, attacking dozens of people. Three associate justices, three robots, and one adorable puppy were mauled. This forced me to declare a short recess.

Eventually, lawyers on both sides will gather before me (and the remaining justices) to argue for their respective client. But until the investigation into alleged voter fraud is complete, my office cannot release any information or reach a verdict. It is not our policy to comment on an ongoing investigation; nor is it our policy to make demands of the people, or the representatives of the people. Once the investigation is complete, the case will move forward.

—CHIEF JUSTICE KARL THE SORCERER

There have been 4 Cries of Anguish:

Blogger Karl the Sorcerer maliciously intimated...

*UPDATE*

I have commissioned The Anonymi as the special persecutor in this matter. He is hereby ordered to sift through everything Evil Bob Dole and Lord Gyrobo have done over the last few years. That'll turn it right.

10/30/2005 2:35 PM  
Anonymous Democracy and Justice maliciously intimated...

BIAS!!!

10/30/2005 3:55 PM  
Anonymous Guyrobo maliciously intimated...

As a self proclaimed legal expert, I find these proceedings highly inconsistent with the ideals and foundation of which the FLB was founded. I find Gyrobo's case another of his frivolous litigations against all who threaten his power. Karl the sorcerer, the Anonymi, and all others associated with this blog have an astronomical conflict of interest in such an absurd case.

Democracy has spoken, now it must be defended. The means of defending democracy have all been tainted such as debate, diplomacy, and bribery, except for one. WAR.

GUYrobo former robot undergone organic replacement, and painful organic replacement therapy, now a man with lawnmowing experience has spoken.

10/30/2005 5:14 PM  
Blogger Rick Anonymi maliciously intimated...

My report is incomplete. There may or may not have been actual voter fraud. My investigation is ongoing, and therefore We, the Anonymi, cannot make any statements at this time. I reserve judgment until tomorrow.

In more disturbing news, the Burning Sub Blogosphere is undergoing a massive gravitational shift. The loser of this election, whomever it may be, was destined to banishment to the Sub-Blogosphere. That cannot happen if the Sub-Blogosphere no longer exists.

The investigation must be hastened.

10/30/2005 11:24 PM  

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