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The Lower Blogosphere Burns with the Intensity of a Thousand Suns.

Monday, November 07, 2005

A Shocking Plot Revealed!

The great Evil Bob Dole perished early yesterday when the Burning Sub-Blogosphere imploded upon itself. Many bloggers wonder how this could have happened— how could any blog simply implode? We, the Anonymi, have begun a thorough investigation and concluded foul play. This monumental collapse was premeditated, predetermined, and preplanned.

As of this moment, we have several prime suspects, all of which had a motive to destroy Evil Bob Dole. Normally, it is against company polity— polity? Policy. It is against company policy to post the names and motives of suspects. But in this case, we've just about had our fill of injustice. So, here's the list:

Gyrobo: The ultimate prime suspect, Gyrobo has had a personal vendetta against Evil Bob Dole since they first met. Our suspicions were only compounded by the fact that Gyrobo managed to escape the collapse of the Burning Sub-Blogosphere while Evil Bob Dole was deleted by it.

Roboshrub Incorporated: Never a supported of Evil Bob Dole, Roboshrub Incorporated has been known to attack political rivals without abandon. Due to the electoral victory of Evil Bob Dole, Roboshrub was unable to attain his seat in Parliament. This is indeed a strong motive.

Karl the Sorcerer: Karl was the minion of darkness who ruled against Evil Bob Dole, thereby condemning him to the Burning Sub-Blogosphere. What did Karl know about the Burning Sub-Blogosphere and when did he know it?

Destructobob: While Destructobob hasn't posted anything new in several months and probably doesn't even know Evil Bob Dole existed, I make it a point to always name her as a suspect.

Until this case is resolved, lock your doors and keep the windows bolted shut. Any one of those suspects could end up being the imploder.

There have been 17 Cries of Anguish:

Blogger Bob Dole maliciously intimated...

It was clearly Gyrobo's twin brother Jyrobo.

11/07/2005 4:24 PM  
Anonymous Ross Perot maliciously intimated...

No, it was me.

11/07/2005 4:24 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo maliciously intimated...

Oh, come one, Cabe. I've known that it was YOU all along who started the whole "Bob Dole" craze. Now you're branching off into Ross Perot... you're gonna distill the fun! It's like politics- too many candidates confuses people. That's why there are only two parties, and they need to listen to me, 'cause I'm about to lose my mind!

11/07/2005 9:52 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo maliciously intimated...

Plus, the timestamp. Those two comments were posted in exactly the same minute. Try getting out of that one, Detective!

11/07/2005 9:53 PM  
Anonymous Albert Gore maliciously intimated...

Death to the Two-Party System.

11/07/2005 11:34 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo maliciously intimated...

Now you've done it.

11/08/2005 12:00 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo maliciously intimated...

Cabe, I think our constant use of multiple profiles is starting to confuse people.

11/08/2005 11:39 AM  
Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated maliciously intimated...

I'd just like it noted that Gyrobo and I are not the same person.

11/08/2005 12:27 PM  
Anonymous Robert Shrub Englishman maliciously intimated...

Me neither!

11/08/2005 12:28 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo maliciously intimated...

Seriously, we aren't. We both know each other in the real world, though. In fact, we worked together on that comic I talked about at Roboshrub Inc. He drew the pictures and I wrote the dialogue. That was a fun couple of months!

11/08/2005 5:22 PM  
Blogger Cabe maliciously intimated...

Haha I've confused your audience. Now they think you're nuts.

11/08/2005 7:27 PM  
Blogger flatlander maliciously intimated...

Would the real Gyrobo please flicker like disco strobe light?

11/08/2005 7:53 PM  
Anonymous Alcoholic maliciously intimated...

I am the real Gyrobo

11/08/2005 8:04 PM  
Anonymous Heat Miser maliciously intimated...

I ate the real Gyrobo.

11/08/2005 9:07 PM  
Anonymous Michael Moore maliciously intimated...

Truth:
Gyrobo is Bob Dole
Gyrobo is Evil Bob Dole
Gyrobo is RoboShrub Incorporated
Gyrobo is Evil Gyrobo
Gyrobo is Gyrobo

See my documentary, "Gyrobo: Robot or Tobor?"

11/08/2005 10:46 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo maliciously intimated...

Actually, Gyrobo is Gyrobo and Evil Bob Dole. REGULAR Bob Dole and Evil Gyrobo are Cabe, and Roboshrub Incorporated is some guy from New York named "Mike".

Consider the disco light "flickered".

11/09/2005 9:16 AM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo maliciously intimated...

Tobor stole my nickname.

11/09/2005 5:40 PM  

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