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The Lower Blogosphere Burns with the Intensity of a Thousand Suns.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

It Marches with Doom

Upon surveying my beloved land of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere, I must shed a tear. The temporal forces upon this country, this blog and this lifestyle are tearing it apart. Therefore, I am going forced to admit that the concept of Time is unconstitutional. As Archchancellor, I cannot directly declare it as such, but its existance clearly contradicts the citizen's right to live forever. Immortality is not difficult to achieve in a land filled with robots, but if there is time allowed after one's existance, this the definition of immortality blurs. Furthermore, it is strictly Periodist, and Periodism is against the law. My predeccessor politicians would have said that, as long as the time periods are equal, separating them is convenient and acceptable. However, today we know that separate is inherently inequal. The future has hovercars, and yet I am-- and my people are-- forced to commute via subterranian trolleycars. This is an injustice against our period, even though we have advanced in great strides. My grandparents had to walk uphill both ways to recieve their state-provided educations.

I have a dream, of one day, that will last forever and contain all things-- as equals.

Today, I pass legislation to Abolish time. All those who continue to experience it are in direct violation of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere's lawful and god-endorsed government.

I will be in my hyperisolation chamber, and will hear no more of this "Temporal Stresses" nonsense.

There have been 5 Cries of Anguish:

Blogger Gyrobo maliciously intimated...

But... I've already paid the sorcerer to degauss our timestream!

1/27/2006 8:50 AM  
Blogger flatlander maliciously intimated...

Here's what you do:

1. take all the clocks, calendars, watches, and appliances with LED time displays on them from your house, and put them in a washing machine.

2. Put the machine on rapid spin cycle for about 20 mins.

3. Sit back and enjoy as the theory of Special Relativity (redux edition) stretches that 20 minuites out to something like 20.0000112 mins.

4. Call up your friend(s) on the phone-- they will have aged approximately forty years, and might not even remember who you are.

5. This can be a fun game to play with groups at parties.

1/27/2006 3:48 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo maliciously intimated...

I just brush the screen with my fingers.

I have paws.

1/27/2006 7:24 PM  
Blogger Phil maliciously intimated...

Here, here! I agree that time should be abolished.

1/28/2006 6:40 AM  
Blogger Kim Ayres maliciously intimated...

OK Gyrobo, I'm taggin you:

unless someone else got you first

1/30/2006 3:30 PM  

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